Rarely do I know they're taken. All I'm aware of is a handsome guy flirting with me. He makes me laugh and, for a while, we smile together. Then, inevitably, someone mentions his girlfriend and I realize what's happening. This cute boy has a girl in love with him - and I'm just the entertainment.
As I said, that pisses me off.
In my frustration, I asked a friend why men in committed relationships flirt with single women. His response was about coffee. And this worked for me, as I speak coffee.
“The abridged version is that guys are never happy with what they have. Your scenario translated in male speak reads: “I have a girlfriend and she's okay. She's like the bodega drip coffee - warm, good on a daily basis and comforting. But lookie here, is that a frappuccino? Oh, there's a soy vanilla no foam latte! Wait, hello Irish coffee!” Any questions? While you’re a premium coffee now, you'll eventually become Seven Eleven decaf, too.”
Being called “eventual” Seven Eleven decaf was like having a steamy cup of that shitdrip thrown in my face.
I am not and never will be Seven Eleven decaf, you hear me?
Saying as much, he reassured me that what he meant was that all women, no matter how fabulous, will grow ordinary in a relationship. In the eyes of their man, they are still incredible women, but their affirmation means less than that of a single woman who has her pick of men to choose from. Attention from her and he’s still go it!
And really, women do it, too.
It takes nothing away from our man if we bask in the admiration of an attractive, single male coworker, right? It does nothing to harm a relationship if we secretly adore having men whistle as we walk down the street. And so long as we don’t sample the new brew, it doesn’t hurt to steal a whiff, right?
So even though validation from our mate should be paramount, that which comes from strangers of the opposite sex is pretty powerful. And while it pisses me off, it's life and I can't change that. Nor do I really want to. Being used as a committed man's sounding board - a smile from me making his day - well hell, there are worse things, aren't there?
So even though validation from our mate should be paramount, that which comes from strangers of the opposite sex is pretty powerful. And while it pisses me off, it's life and I can't change that. Nor do I really want to. Being used as a committed man's sounding board - a smile from me making his day - well hell, there are worse things, aren't there?
27 Holla Backs:
It's just attention. Everyone wants attention whether they admit it or not. Bloggers, children, reality TV participants....attention is powerful currency
Yes, worse things. Taxes, traffic, and fraudulent charges on your credit card.
-Joshua
I agree with LucyCooper everyone just wants attention.
But I hate flirting, can't do it don't know what to do when men flirt with me...I just interpret it as.."Woo hoo, he must loooooove me..." Idiot. (And I'm married.) So yeah, flirting sucks.
Having a fairly social job, I flirt with everyone without discrimination. I flirt with young and old, attractive and unattractive, I flirt with girls but in the "OMG I love your hair" way... I flirt and I don't even know I'm doing it and I'm ok with making someone's day! Flirting is just that... flirting. There is a line though... so there is that to be said. You need to learn to stay on the proper side of said line.
I am often hit on by dudes with girlfriends, and I greatly appreciate being likened to Irish Coffee.
I think what's worse is the guys that can't go five minutes without a girlfriend. Therefore, when they have a breakup, they immediately go into FIND-GIRLFRIEND-NOW mode. I have a target on my head for these rebound dudes. I keep getting randomly contacted on Facebook by male friends from past lives, and I think "Oh, hey, that's nice", until I realize that they're status changed from "In a Relationship" to "Single" five seconds before they messaged me.
Oh wow... yes.
There was one time this guy who flirted with me constantly (aka my boss) brought another woman on an out-of-town work event, claiming she was there to help. I knew what he really was doing was lining us up to comparison shop, and didn't care... until I realized he thought I was too stupid to figure it out.
THAT is what pissed me off.
It's fine to want attention and affirmation, but like Morgan said, there ought to be a reasonable line somewhere.
It's infuriating to think that my fellow could possibly think of me as 7-11 decaf. At the same time, I totally feel flattered and like I've still got it when a Grande Mocha comes over to chat me up.
Like Morgan, I flirt non-stop. It's part of my job to woo people towards liking and having confidence in me.
But when these guys with GFs are flirting, they're doing it in a let-me-make-her-want-me-so-I-can-know-I've-still-got-it way. Very different from social flirtation. And that gets my goat!
fortunately, Hubby can't afford those Starbucks Lattes and Frappocinos....he's stuck with this Seven Eleven Decaf! lol
I just don't like the guys that flirt with you while their girlfriend is around. How many times has a guy given you the eye when his girlfriend looks away? Makes me want to step on his toe on my way past.
Little Ms J, I once had one of those guys grab my ass while his GF ordered a drink and my BF was talking to someone else. I was part throwing up in my mouth and part turned on by his bravery - but it was definitely more despicable than hot.
Being noticed and flirted with is nice. Seeing a guy test his girlfriend with us, not so nice.
I like flirting and I like being flirted with.
I don't, however, like looking stupid when I feel like I've been doing some of my best work and then the girlfriend/fiancee/wife gets brought into the conversation.
Don't waste my time, you big, furry time wasters!
There are worse things. As a married women I find it annoying when men blatanly hit on me. I suppose secretly I am flatered and appreciate the attention but I wonder if they don't see the wedding ring, really???
Makes me glad I don't drink coffee. ;^)
-Joshua
This is a huge compliment to you, hon. It really is men trying to prove they've still got it even if 'taken' and the fact that you're often the target pretty much labels you 'alpha babe'.
I am a natural flirt and dont object to men flirting with me at all as long as noone else is upset by it and as long as its not terribly serious.
Yeah, that's a pretty huge subject for me. The attention *is* nice, for sure. It's when it goes beyond the initial flirtation that is bothersome. I agree, please don't waste my time!
Oh and you have an award hanging out over at my blog too! :)
I think my concern is always 'how would his girlfriend feel about this?' If she'd be okay with it, I don't mind being flirted with. The key is that the fact that it's done and the way it's done should both be respectful towards her. My boyfriend is a natural flirt and mild attention whore and he openly flirts with women, and I'm okay with it because to my knowledge it's kept appropriate and brief. He often mentions me though. I think he enjoys having girls know that he's taken but he can still get attention from them. Having your cake and eating it too. I suspect many men who flirt aren't in similar situations as ours though, and in that case I have a problem with it.
Like many have said, it's all about attention. But there is a fine line, and most people cross it without knowing it.
being that I am pretty much always the single one I get to enjoy this said flirtation of taken men all the time. To me it's more saddening then anything because people feel the need to validate themselves by having someone else think they are attractive. I don't go out to have another single man hit on me because I know who I am. And I'm going to second your "I will never be a 7-11 decaf." You gotta spice things up if you think you are even on the verge of that crap!
I happen to know that my husband flirts with all the check-out girls at our neighbourhood grocery store. The benefit to me is that they always give him more stamps for the monthly give-aways than he really deserves. Thank you girls for the Henkel Knife Set, the Wedgewood cookware and the Jamie Oliver frying pan. They haven't given away coffee mugs yet..oh how ironic that would be. Come by OJ today, I have something for you dear Funny Girl! - G
What a brilliant post. Dead on! : )
I'm having flashbacks to my single life! Hilarious little blog you got here. :)
Flirting should be okay within the intent. I run with a large group of couples and we've known each other for near two decades. Flirting with my friends and or their wives is fine as I mean nothing by it, but flirting with strangers who are taken is a defintite action not to be taken lightly. I might do it, but I would be very careful. Being single helps on my end though!
Aughhhhhhhh, the dirty flirty facts of life....... Good times.
What really bothers me is that I often get flirted with by guys who have committed girlfriends or wives, and I'm a dude. I mean, don't my fellow dudes have any standards at all? It's like they're saying, "Hey, I have a cup of 7-Eleven decaf in the car, but, what the hell, I think I'll have a cup of 7-Eleven decaf here, too." So I guess what I'm saying here, is that I'm sorry for flirting with you at Starbucks. I was bored, you were cute, and I'm not dead yet.
Well this clarifies my entire life. In the past two weeks I've had two guys in relationships be like "hmmmm... soy raspberry mocha with whipped cream.... yes."
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