Anonymity is an elusive veil. Its security and comfort wraps me up from head to toe, but I know it's false and fleeting. Like a fluffy down comforter, it will slowly shed its feathers and I'll be left with a wimpy snot rag that barely covers my butt.
I learned that early on when a cowboy moseyed on down to my ranch and read about our not-so-secret romp in the hay.
That's a blip compared to what lies ahead, when an unwelcome yet eventual unveiling arrives at my door. And I'm as certain it will come as I'm certain the sun will rise tomorrow.
Fear not, I'm not going all little orphan Annie on you, just stating facts... or paranoia.
My motivation for remaining anonymous has always been part professional, part personal.
The professional side of things is simple - if my work colleagues and clients read this blog, my character would take a hit. Not for what I've written, but because I've written.
Any woman who tells all has, in the eyes of judgment, told too much. And while the judgers would probably agree and offer an occasional "hell yeah" to my thoughts, they'd equally judge me for being too revealing and not conservative enough - for being unprofessional.
And that's fair enough since my job requires that I merit an incredible amount of trust.
Personally speaking, there are a few people I'd rather remain ignorant to my ramblings...
The one who loves me still... best he doesn't peruse each post and spy his own guest appearances. That's a heart I hope to only break once.
The one who rated sub subpar - or really subpar squared - among the notches on my bedpost... I have yet to post about him since the mere idea of him reading it makes me shudder with shame.
And then there's my dear sweet pops, who need not ever know his daughter was the "piece" in this hot sass. Or any piece for that matter.
The truth about me is I stepped into the real me a few years ago. The uncertain steps of a maturing girl were fun, but they're behind me. And with the knowledge of who I really am comes everything I'd been hoping for. Gone are the days of worrying how or where or why I fit in. Gone are the days of fitting in. I'm here and you're here and it really is that simple - no over-self-analyzing needed.
You are perfect, as is. I am perfect, as is. And we're both imperfect. So let's get on with it, shall we?
The truth about me is that I hate withholding parts of my life from this "forum of me". I hate that parts of my every day will go missing with time. I hate that I'm too lazy to write them anyways with no posting required. But I love my life as it is now, and by sharing too much I risk muddying the clean and clear waters I'm enjoying.
And the truth about me is that I write these memories of my life now - how I think, feel, act and aspire now - so I can look back on the beginning of the best years of my life and savor how good it's been.
Because no memory will do it justice... because there are too many memories to keep... and because I'm often a bit tipsy when the memories are made.
And because it's really only getting started.
So here we are, at the beginning.
13 Holla Backs:
Had to put Intense Debate to bed - I hated it. And in deleting that comment format, so went all the lovely comments that were left. I know some readers love reading the comments as much as I do. So, I've tried to continue the discussion by copying them here:
Stepfabulous: How would one find you in the pleatura of blogs? I've often wondered myself who would ever be able to find me? I've googled my name, yahoo'd myself, but never been able to find my blog that way? Hum....... food for thought.
Georgina: I write anonymously for many of the same reasons as you. I also have to leave out some details about myself that I really wish I could write about, but doing so would quickly expose who I am. I'm highly visible in my community, both professionally and personally. And once the anonymity is gone, you can't get it back. So I'm always a little careful. As far as I can tell, not one single person I know face-to-face has ever read my blog (not even hubs, and he's Ok with that).
Morgan: I started off anonymously enough, never revealed too much or posted pics and then one day I stopped caring. In one aspect it was freeing but there will always be times where I wonder if I revealed too much. I guess it's the risk we all take.
Hannah: I started my blog in June, 2005. When someone from my firm stumbled upon it in November, 2006 I deleted, moved, cried and most of all feared. Feared what they would think. Feared I would lose my job. Feared everything you now fear.
In the end it wasn't THAT bad and now that everyone knows that I write and that I write, well, brutally, it is actually freeing.
I hope your freedom comes quickly. But whatever you do, don't you even THINK about quitting this venture, this blog, this outlet.
JennyMac: It is a fine line but I can relate well. I work for very conservative people so my blog is not something I share with co-workers. However, my entire family knows about it and reads it daily. Hence, I am not posting certain stories of life...LOL.
Looking forward to hearing more of your stories.
Joey: My mom, mother-in-law, husband, pastor - all read my blog. It does cut down on my bloggable material. I don't think I've even had the nerve to blog about farting.
Badass Geek: Anonymity is hard to do sometimes. The security is nice, but like you said, you wish you could share those other parts of your life, too. We all find our balance, though.
I could go either way with the comment system. ID wasn't right for my blog.
Secretia: We will still want to read you no matter what you want to say. We are your readers now! I don't like this comment form.
Judearoo: I agree with you Sass, tis a fine line. Funnily enough I'm quite ok with strangers and blog buddies knowing who I am (my blog seldom gives away many hugely personal things - I'm far more likely to say something personal in a comment that on my actual blog) but I've not told any friends or family about it. My bf knows and tunes in now and again I think, but thats it.
Think you'll ever pull a 'Belle du Jour' and reveal yourself in all your glory?
Sid: Hmmm. There are various parts of this post that I agree wholeheartedly. I've written a number of blog posts and just discarded them because I'm too afraid of what people might think. And each day I write to tell myself to write as if no one is watching/reading.
And more...
Hannah Miet: Yeah, you have pretty much outlined the places my non-anonymity has gotten me into trouble.
My ex boyfriends know about my non-ex sex life.
My parents know about my sex life.
Current, prospective, former employers know that I was drunk for the past month...
That being said. It feels good. After hiding so much of myself away, it's become a public, pronounced place to be myself.
It's liberating.
Tennyson: No one knows about my blog, except you guys. And that's the way it's going to stay. Once my wife finds out, that's when I'll quit and delete my whole profile. Until then though, I'm gonna keep going.
Mr C: I wanna hear ALL the juicy stuff!
Little Ms J: I love your first paragraph. Well said, doll. Well said.
Joshua: Anonymity is great; it just depends on what you're going for, really. My family knows about my blog, only because I used to have an anonymous one and when they found out, the shit really hit the fan. Yeah, everything was brown for quite a while.
As far as the commenting form goes, it's entirely your call. The network filters at work won't allow access to inline commenting, so I'll just have to comment when I'm at home. Kind of like I'm doing right now.
kys: My family doesn't know about my blog and I don't want them to find out. In a way I wish blogging was the thing when I was in college. Damn, I have forgotten some crazy shenanigans.
Sara: And the anonymity makes perfect sense to me, as I am somewhat limited in what I feel I can say because I never know who is reading... and I also know EXACTLY who is reading.
Christina: I agree with Sara... knowing that some of my students have come across my blog makes me think twice about every post. Being an anonymous Piece is just fine. ;-)
I thought about staying anonymous when I started my blog, but soon realized half the fun was the people I get to talk about, and that gives who I am away. But I had a little blog reality check when my father posted a comment on my page - I had no idea he was a follower. Makes me second guess what I talk about, but then again Im a grown up and I try to censor my posts as much as possible anyways. Regardless, keep doing what you are doing.
I choose to hide my identity because I wanted to write truthfully and freely but didn't want others that I have written about being identified for fear of hurting them. However, the more I write, the more I fear that I will be identified by someone who knows me...there are enough clues there.
I hide my identity for professional reasons. Much as I like blogging, I am not about to risk my professional reputation. And I live in a conservative town,... can't afford to offend too many people.
Psst.... get over to my blog. I have a little something for you. Fab and Bitch
I started off being anonymous, but I'm really not anymore.
And that's okay. I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I'm not.
But I do miss being anonymous :)
I fucking love your blog, so never stop!
Great point about staying anonymous...in some ways, I wish I had. I've told one person I work with about my blog, but I've worked with him for nine years and know he won't say a peep about it.
Whether you stay Anon or not, your blog is great! :-)
i may or may not be anonymous...that's still up in the air, but I love your blog!
I understand- my motivation is a little different than yours, but I have two blogs- one that is for family and friends to read and then one(under this account that I'm posting with now) that is just for whatever I want to say, without having to worry about offending or have to deal with the opinions of people that I see on a daily basis.
"You are perfect, as is. I am perfect, as is. And we're both imperfect. So let's get on with it, shall we?"- I loved that line.
I don't get to read your blog as often as I like. But every time I do, I realize it is lovely. I started off quite anonymously and then decided to eff it and go public. However, I usually don't tell dates about the blog. Mostly because if it goes horribly, I like to write about it. I never see a guy more than three times anyway lately but I still don't want to hurt someone's feelings unnecessarily. So I keep their real names out of the mix as well.
A certain amount of anonymity is necessary for my professional career as an international Super-Spy.
I don't mind that my friends and family know I have a blog. I just didn't want my name to be googled and have the blog come up. It's a different outlet and I don't want it to be used against me.
A lot of the anonymity for me is for the people in my life too. I share personal stories and many people aren't comfortable being written about online.
I am a new follower, love it :)
"You are perfect, as is. I am perfect, as is. And we're both imperfect. So let's get on with it, shall we?"
Perfect!
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