Bling Around The Collar

A new phenomenon has arisen that I must address. Can’t hold my tongue on this one – it’s too disturbing.

What’s got my sass in a bunch?

Men in girly shirts.

Floral patterns, embellished with decals, accent patterned cuffs and collars... even bling. Disturbing, right?

We have Southern California to thank for effeminizing our men. They turned in their tattered surfer tees for flowery button ups with asymmetrical wave patterns. And they’re always fitted – always. Hourglass figures aren’t just for the ladies anymore. Men want them, too.

This new breed of metrosurfer is spreading like a Californian wild fire – fast and destructive. Girly men are popping up all over. As evidenced by the man sitting beside me on the plane as I type. A striped shirt – the stripes are actually tiny barbed wire because, you know, he’s that bad – and the cuffs don a black and white skull and cross bone pattern. What a hot dog, right?

Oh, and he’s over fifty.

Sweet Jesus, they let him through security in that get up. Obviously, he’s a threat. I mean, he’s wearing skulls and cross bones right there for all to see. The ultimate symbol of “bad”. If that isn’t a threat to airport security, what is?

If you’re a gent who likes a little bling around the collar, please accept my sincerest apologies – and pity. Then reconsider your pansy attire for something less sassafrass.

Let me call back the days of yore.

I’ll take 90’s grunge in a tattered t-shirt and threadbare flannel.

I’ll take turn of the century preppy back in a ball cap and worn-to-soft-as-hell polo – popped collars need not apply.

Let me see girls who are more girly than their boyfriends and men who just don’t give a damn. Or, better yet, let me see a proper suit, double breasted, well cut, and a clean, crisp shirt. Let’s leave flowers off the shirts and put them back on lapels, or better yet, in the hands of a woman.